Reflecting On Sins: Three Words and Three Layers

By Hazzan Jacob Sandler.

Last Saturday night, after Shabbat, we gathered for a special Selichot service. As the work of doing teshuva intensifies, this service includes special prayers for forgiveness as the High Holidays are imminent. The service is late at night, meditative and also previews some of the melodies that invoke the grandeur of the Days of Awe.

One of the main features of Selichot that is repeated throughout the High Holiday Liturgy is the recitation of the Thirteen Attributes of God’s Mercy.

These words from the Torah, come immediately following the sin of  the golden calf. After this incident, it is Moshe himself who appeals to God to forgive us. God does forgive us, and tradition tells us that this was the first Yom Kippur.

Because we recite these words three times in the Selichot service, I like to consider the different types of sins for which we seek forgiveness. In Hebrew we have three words: Chata, Avon and Pesha. Each has its own connotation. 

Chata’ah or Chet (חַטָּאָה – chata’ah / חטא – chet ) is a word that comes from archery – it connotes “missing the mark” or falling short. Everyone makes mistakes, often unintentionally or perhaps with the best of intentions. 

Ask yourself: What are the mistakes I’ve made that I seek forgiveness for? What are the little things I wish I did better?

Avon (עָוֹן)  implies a “twisting” or “perversion” of God’s will. Sometimes, in moments of hubris or in times of overwhelming stress, we rationalize or justify behavior that we know deep down isn’t quite right. We allow ourselves to make concessions around our values for convenience, to save face, or oftentimes because we hope the ends will justify the means. Life is complicated, and we all make decisions, intentionally, that we later realize were wrong. 

Ask yourself: How can I be more courageous in living by my values? When have I felt like I had to compromise on my values in the past year? 

Pesha (פֶּשַׁע) indicates willful transgression, rebellion, or betrayal of a relationship. It describes actions carried out with a defiant attitude towards God, rejecting Divine authority and actively choosing to go astray. It’s the most severe form of sin among the three. It feels quite vulnerable to dare to admit that we’ve transgressed in a defiant, betraying way–whether toward God, or toward our fellow human beings, or even toward ourselves. 

Ask yourself: Were there times when I was willfully cruel or mean-spirited? Were there times when I knowingly made the wrong choice? Were there times when I ignored my conscience and in so doing, ignored the still small voice of God that echoes within me?

Whether you’re heart flooded with examples of mistakes and regrets in each category, or you found yourself stretching to remember something that felt truly sinful, my hope is that through reflection, we can all feel more prepared for the days ahead. Let the mistakes we seek to repair and the standards to which we aspire serve as our intentions, kavanot, for the High Holiday season. May our reflections be pathways into the liturgy and holy atmosphere that pervades these awesome days. L’shana Tovah u’metukah! May we all be inscribed for blessing, health and forgiveness in the year to come.