Chayei Sara: The Kindness and Strength of our Matriarchs

By Hazzan Jacob Sandler.

In the wake of Sarah’s passing, the generations begin to turn. Abraham sets out to find Isaac a wife, tasking his servant Eliezer to find someone from his extended family. The story may be familiar, but I find each year that I’m so taken by Rebecca’s first impression. When asked to help get water from the well, she goes above and beyond to give water to Eliezer’s camels! This in itself is an impressive act of kindness, reflecting a shared sense of values between her and her soon-to-be father-in-law who continues to stand as a model of Chesed – lovingkindness. What makes it more spiritually profound is that Eliezer had scarcely finished praying to Hashem that such a woman would appear and make that exact offer. Coincidence? Narrative device? Miracle? Who’s to say? 

When Laban, Rebecca’s brother (and future father-in-law of Jacob), gets looped into the budding shidduch (matchmaking), I always got the impression that he switched from overprotective and suspicious to performatively welcoming. Maybe I just don’t trust him since he did trick Jacob years later with the classic switcheroo of Leah for Rachel. Nevertheless, the future in-laws welcome Eliezer and give him 5-start treatment. When he is eager to return Abraham with Rebecca, the family is suddenly hesitant to let her go. Eliezer insists they not delay him, as Hashem has already made the errand successful, and ultimately Rebecca is given the final choice in the matter. Some 4000 years ago, that’s incredibly progressive and it brings me such joy to see a woman empowered in our earliest family history. 

Rabbi Amy Kalmanofsky often teaches about Rebecca as the primary actor in that generation of the patriarchs/matriarchs. Isaac being more passive from Akeidah to bestowing blessings, Rebecca is actively choosing to go with Eliezer, actively pushing Jacob to receive the blessing from Isaac, and guiding him to find refuge from a vengeful Esau at Laban’s home.

These are the two complimentary sides of Rebecca that I admire all these generations later. She was an exemplar of kindness and generosity, as well as a chutzpadik, empowered woman who made things happen. In a parsha named for Sarah, which focuses so much on Rebecca, we see in our earliest matriarchs an inheritance of strong, kind women on whose shoulders we continue to stand to this day.

When I think about my own mother, sister, grandmothers, aunts, cousins, I see those threads continue. In my family, the Jewish women don’t get pushed around. They often are the ones running the show with love and kindness. Take a moment and share this with the kind and strong women in your life – and let them know you appreciate the blessing they are.