Blessings as the Generations turn

By Hazzan Jacob Sandler.

This past shabbat, I received the news that my paternal grandfather, Lenny Sandler passed away. I’d like to dedicate this week’s thought to him. Grandpa was a really sweet man, always ready to say how much he loved my siblings and I, with a hug and a kiss. In his latter years, he was awfully quiet and it took concerted effort to maintain a conversation. He loved to play drums, work on handy projects with his tools, and root for the Yankees. It seems fitting that Grandpa is being buried the same week that our patriarch Jacob is buried in parashat Vayechi. 

As Jacob is preparing to be ‘gathered to his kin’ he gathers his 12 sons to bless them. If you read the blessings, they aren’t what you might expect. They’re more like predictions about the future tribes, or reflections about the brothers’ character in their father’s eyes. Still, it’s a blessing in itself to be able to share a final moment together.

Grandpa was 89 years old, and I could tell over the past 3 years that he knew the end could be near. I remember how his eyes filled with tears when he told me he wouldn’t see my sister become a doctor. And while she hasn’t earned the MD yet, he was alive for her PhD. Embedded in his fear, I heard a blessing. His grief, albeit premature, was an expression of pride in his granddaughter, confidence in her ability to finish what she started and of course so much love for wanting to witness that milestone. 

Similarly, when we got together for Father’s day in 2023, he came to me and gave me a Magen David necklace, which has the Israeli paratroopers insignia on it. The top three triangles of the star have the letters Tzadi, Hay, Lamed – Tzahal and the bottom three have the letters I.D.F. for the Israeli defense forces. He told me he got it in Israel, and with a sad look in his eye, that he wanted me to wear it. The only time my grandpa had ever been to Israel, as far as I know, was on my Bar Mitzvah trip in 2007. In this gift, I felt a blessing. The necklace symbolized his recognition of my deep connection to Judaism and Israel, his hope that I would carry on my Jewish traditions as well as his memory. I could tell he wanted me to know that he would always be with me. 

And while I don’t know of a specific moment like that between Grandpa and my younger brother, I do know that they had their own unique bond. Sammy recalled the way that Grandpa would laugh and smile as the three of us would act so silly at family events. Despite being a pretty old-school guy, Grandpa’s love for us shone through as he took our antics in stride. He always showed up for us at the holidays, the performances, the graduations and more. In this I see a blessing to always put family first, to show up and accept people as they are. 

I’m grateful that I saw Grandpa just this past Thanksgiving. He was in a rehab center, not doing especially well. But I got to hug him and kiss him and make sure he knew how loved he was. He wasn’t quite lucid enough to give any final speeches, as Jacob does in our parasha. However, the blessings he shared implicitly in the final years will stay with me, along with many loving memories. 

We finish Bereishit and say, “Chazak Chazak venitchazek.” As the generations of the patriarchs end, and the next part of our story begins, may we all go from strength to strength.